Shes the Sugar

I was terrified. Terrified to be who I am, terrified to even figure it out, terrified to start this blog!
But, through a shit ton of trial and error and finally reading the bible for myself I figured out a LOT about myself.
I always thought my life had to be a certain way if I was going to find success… I couldn’t have been more wrong.

So lets just start from the top shall we?

My name is Nikita Harris. I grew up in a house of 6 people. Only one of them was an adult, that was my sweet little mama who was honestly just doing her best with 5 kids and two hands. I had three brothers, a sister, and then little ol’ me, I’m the baby (can you tell?) We lived on the Oregon Coast, while my dad lived anywhere but there. Growing up with a single parent wasn’t the worst though. Some could use it as an excuse to have “daddy issues” and believe me, I tried that for a while. But ultimately his absence actually contributed a lot to who I have become today. I could use it as a reason to stay down. A reason why I “don’t know how to change a tire”(which I do!) A reason to hate men (which I don’t.) Ultimately what I’m trying to say is, as an adult, I get to decide who I am. Not a single person in this entire world can take that away from me. The drive inside of me to take care of my mom and now my own sweet family is something you can’t buy. So yeah, I wouldn’t change a thing about my past.

This is just the beginning of the life lessons I’m about to share with you guys. If you’re one of those people who like to see people massively fuck up so you can feel a little better then add this blog to your favorites tab, because girlllllll, I have been a DUMBASSSS! like, massively! But! I’ll say it again, I wouldn’t change a thing about my past. Because that past has created a successful 32 year old woman who literally just chills and makes money these days.

So, if you’ve read this far… THANK YOU, OMG YOU FUCKING QUEEEN. I am seriously so excited to have you here.

So lets jump in. My FIRST blog (ahhh!) I’m going to keep on the subject of my dad. Just to be clear, before I rant about the lessons I learned from an absent father, I have to make sure everyone knows that my mom is this crazy (in a good way) hippy queen that taught me more things than most dads teach their sons. I don’t know how to change the oil in a car or wtf is going on during a football game but I sure as fuck know how to build a shelf, sew, cook, bake, camp like a champion, fix just about anything broken around my house, and not to brag or anything but I have some pretty terrific problem solving skills. Ultimately she taught me that women can do everything that men can do.

The lessons from my dad:
1. Blood is not thicker than water
2. You don’t have to marry a rich man to become successful
3. Drugs are bad, mmmkay… (post soon to come)

Lets start with the first thing. Just for context, I would visit my dad once a year for about 3-5 days starting at the age of six and then that ended around 8th grade. There was 1 or 2 phone calls sprinkled in through the year as well. When I was a freshman in high school my brother got appendicitis, naturally my mom called my dad to let him know. The first words out of his mouth were not “is he ok?” nope. It was “Sandy (thats my mom), I’m not paying for that.” For some more context my mom was not calling about that at all, this was the guy who sometimes sent $500 a month for her to support 5 kids lmao. She already knew that obvious bit of information that left his lips that day.
BUT, this was the day I learned something about myself. It was that I don’t give a FUCK about a bully, even if thats my own sperm donor. I don’t think I’ve ever sent a text so quick cussing out anyone, ever, still to this day. Just for a little more context, the last time I spoke to my dad before this incident he had been bragging about his current wife’s new tits, so ya. I was locked and loaded when I heard his heartless comment

This led to some forced apologies and blah blah blah, but this was the day I realized I had a voice and no one, not even my dad, could take that away from me. This was the day I became a Bad Ass.

There was one last visit after this incident but it was pretty cut and dry, luckily for my teen angst I was able to get away with only interacting with my sister that trip. The highlight of that trip was taking a pee on the space needle. Elevator up, pee, elevator down. That literally sums it up. second positive note I did get to see how cute Seattle was. Absolutely going to plan another trip there some day.

Fast forward to 2013… Community College Culinary School. Still fully convinced of my Bad Assery at this point, I get a text from him. Turns out he’d been living about two hours away from me for the last year and heard I was graduating soon. This was very unexpected for two reasons. 1. I’m his kid and I had no idea he lived so close 2. I knew he didn’t really give af about me so I was shocked he wanted to come be supportive. Turns out his job forced him to relocate for that year. Since he heard It was the end of the year he wanted to “see me and watch me graduate.” I thought sure what the heck could be worse than the life I was living. Despite my knowledge of how amazing and cool I was, my subconscious hadn’t quite caught up. I was dating my first (yes, sadly, not the last [This will be saved for another post]) abusive boyfriend. So seeing my dad would be a walk in the park.

After 1 hour of graduating and about 30 minutes of small talk he decided to head out. This was plenty for me as well. The next day I get the infamous text. “Niki, now that you’re graduated I need you to tell your mom to stop asking me for child support.” The match that was my head, had been lit. Little did he know I wasn’t fully done with the program just because we had a graduation ceremony. I still had to do an internship which would take another 3 months or whatever. TBH I didn’t complete my internship on time and never actually completed the program. That was the first time I realized as long as you have the knowledge the certificate doesn’t really mean shit (at least for the food industry.) I was a really good cake decorator for 7 years after that. I’ll post some pics at the end for your viewing pleasure!

Anyways, back to that grim text. I was not only a badass but also bonafide asshole at this point. So naturally a meticulous and strategic text message was sent, and a phone number blocked and deleted forever. I felt so sad, I cried for a good while. But ultimately ending this short lived relationship of approximately 15 in person interactions and roughly 30-40 phone calls over a 19-year period was the healthiest thing I could do for myself at the moment.

Did I learn the lesson of “Don’t let anyone in your life unless they fully, love and support you?” Nope! But was this the beginning of my shifting mindset?Absolutely, yes.

I’ll be fully transparent, it took me an additional 9 years before I finally figured out not having people around feels so much better than having the wrong people around. I thought being alone was the absolute worst thing that could ever happen which was why I kept men and friends around that didn’t serve my energy. Fast forward to today, I absolutely adore my family. But do I cherish my alone time? soooooo much!!!

The relationship with said Daddy is still non-existent. But I can gladly say from the bottom of my heart I have no anger towards him. I’m actually grateful he wasn’t around. Him being absent was a better outcome than him being around. I believe this because I do believe God has a plan for us. To Quote my favorite book in the bible JOB 2:10 “You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” This verse is what helped me heal. Being angry and cursing God is foolish. We don’t realize that sometimes the blessings from God are those inequities. Those challenges and hard times should be just as cherished as the blessings from him. Because more often than not, those hard times, are the exact thing saving us from years of suffering. And ultimately those hard times are much shorter lived than we make them out to be in our minds. A break up (friend, family, or spouse) is not nearly has painful as a lifetime of suffering. But it is much scarier, thats why we stay in painful situations for so long.

Part of the reason it took me so many years to figure this out was because I was alone. I never wanted to trouble my mom, my friends, my coworkers, anyone, with my burdens, so I often kept to myself. Which made it much harder to figure things out. I never knew a life coach was even a thing. This isn’t Therapy. This is a person you can go to for sound advice, a ear to listen, someone to help you problem-solve without being told “ThIs Is WhAtS wRoNg WiTh YoU” Thats not the goal. The goal is to have someone, someone who has no bias. Who is available for you. Someone who holds absolutely no judgment. If you resonate with any of this (and trust me, theres more to come) feel free to reach out. We can always do a clarity call and just see if that alone helps you unscramble all the thoughts rushing through your mind.

The moral of this entire post is this: Only surround yourself with those who serve your energy and spirit. If those boundaries you place push them away then so be it. I promise it’s for the best. You are a bad ass and no one is going to make you feel less than. Cherish the bad times just as much as the good. Every single moment of your life is beautiful. Because every single moment in your life shaped who you are today. And you are fucking AMAZING!

XOXO Nikita

Heres to the cakes of my past life ❤