Shes the Sugar

I’m not saying jump off bridge. I’m saying if there’s something you’ve always wanted to do but have been too nervous or scared to do it. THAT is the thing you should do. Life has a way of keeping us complacent. We fall for it every time. We think to ourselves changing careers, moving to a new town, starting (or ending) a relationship is too scary. But we never think about life if we don’t. More often than not it catches up to us and then one day we realize it’s ‘too late’ to change … or so we think. 

If any of this resonates with you just know you’re not alone and it’s definitely NOT too late. I’ve made some terrifying choices that in the moment maybe felt not right, but ultimately they were. 

Lets make a short list shall we?

1. I left the father of my child. No it wasn’t even a ‘bad’ situation as some would define but it also wasn’t right for me. 
2. I’ve changed career paths 3 times now.. Im only 32 lol
3. I’ve taken financial risks that most would call reckless and ‘dumb.’ 🙂 Despite all odds, they weirdly worked out.

But let’s break down why these were terrifying and how they ended up ultimately putting me on the path I was always meant to walk. 

When I was 22 I had my daughter, miss Charlie. About a year and a half later I decided life with her father wasn’t fulfilling me or my idea of what life should be. Being with him would be defined as a GOOD life. We’re talking no rent, stable family around to help, no fights. I mean this was a life some people would kill for. His family, beyond amazing. He himself, nice guy. Some vices, but who doesn’t? Honestly we were besties. But that was almost the problem. Along with no fights was also no intimacy. We were such good friends that there was no romance. We had almost become roommates. Which again, most people would kill for this situation. We also genuinely didn’t like a lot of the same things. He liked sports and being alone. I liked art and surrounding myself in the mix. My heart was lacking. My soul wasn’t fulfilled. And ultimately I was so independent before meeting him that receiving so much from his family almost made me uncomfortable. And I KNOW! A lot of you will read this and be like wtf is wrong with this girl?! But its true. When I was receiving so much and not able to give back, I started living a life I didn’t love. Thinking I had to act a certain way. I started to feel nervous all the time. Anxious. There were things my BD dealt with, that me as a young adult wanted to be supportive of, but also felt as though I was missing out on life. Your 20’s are meant to be a time to fuck up a little. Socialize. Float rivers. Be crazy. But my BD dealt with issues surrounding alcohol. I was a supportive girlfriend. That led me to getting isolated at a young age. I went from living in Eugene Oregon, a beautiful magical place with so much excitement and quite literally all of my absolute best friends, to a small city in northern California that has some dead grass and a bunch of restaurants with the same menu. I’ve grown to appreciate this place now. But only because I would never move my daughter from her father.

As a fresh 21-year-old, I left all my friends and family for him. At 25 I left him. It was more than difficult to leave and suddenly be all on my own. I ended the relationship after being together for about 5-6 years and having a child together. I decided to start over. Completely on my own accord. My own rules. My own everything. No more help. No more stability. It was terrifying but freeing all at the same time. I struggled with my decision for years. I was happy and sad all at the same time. But now 6+ years later I have to thank myself for going through all that. The struggle was worth what I have now.

The struggle is ALWAYS worth it.

A life lesson I hope you all are able to learn.

To explain the struggle it was 2019 and right as I began socializing again the world shut down! Oh joy. But, on the bright side. My best friend of 15 years & my mom came to live with me. Leaving had opened doors that would have stayed shut. 2020 was actually pretty fun. I lived in the middle of an orchard, sure there was no internet, but it had enough space for me and my daughter. It was mentally a crazy time, some of the loneliest years of my life. This loneliness lasted a good 3-ish years. BUT I can still confidently say this struggle was absolutely worth it. I learned more about myself in three years than I had in my entire life.

Had I not left I would have wasted my 20’s. I wouldn’t have met the love of my life (My husband). I wouldn’t have grown into my full potential. I wouldn’t be raising my daughter how I want to. I wouldn’t even be on social media. And I definitely would NOT be writing this blog. And most importantly I wouldn’t have found God and started studying the bible. Leaving him was a scary guilt riddled decision that followed me for years. But my recent 4 years made me realize just how worth it that risk was. My heart has never been so full.

Because of this risk I started my own mantra. “If I don’t want to do it, then I probably should.”

This helps me through a lot of procrastination and decision making. It’s how I push myself past my limits and into a world where anything is possible. I didn’t want to start over. I didn’t want to feel unstable. But I knew I should. When I think to myself “I don’t want to do this” its not that I actually don’t want to. It’s the way my mind puts out that limiting belief. I tried to make myself think I don’t want to do these things that would 100% better my life. This is a belief that once kept me safe from failure. But I learned not trying at all, was far worse than failing and trying again.

That mantra has helped me find the Career I love (which is coaching.) It’s helped me build my socials, my brand, my personality. It helps me be productive. And I can safely say it’s the reason my life is on the path to becoming what most people believe to be a delusional dream. But I know my dreams will become real. Because I do the things, even though my subconscious tries to tell me I don’t want to. But in my heart I know I want it more than anything.

So the next time you try to convince yourself ‘you don’t want to,’ to something you truly want deep down inside but are maybe afraid to share because you think someone might judge you, or you might fail at it. Then I promise you, thats the exact thing you should be doing. And if you need just one person to support you. Hey babe, its me! You got this!! Just do it ❤